Healing attempt in 3 parts after Danez Smith

Attempt 1

I’ll pretend as you swing me around
The dancefloor that my movement doesn’t mimic
The engagement ring that was supposed to yours that swings
From my rearview mirror

I’ll pretend to not notice
Your hands as you promenade me and how well
That ring would fit

And I’ll pretend that I don’t know
This pattern
Of breathing isn’t the same
As when you are moaning or choking

And I’ll pretend that I’m not looking
For someone to dance with
At the hall or in bed

So I can pretend to forget that I love you

Attempt 2

The irony of falling
Into bed with him now to forget
You, is that I fell
Into bed with you then to forget
Him
Or rather that was my excuse the first time
I didn’t want to love you
Now I won’t love anyone else

He talks about filling me
He doesn’t mean the absence leaving
you created
But I’ll let him fuck me
So at least some parts of me won’t be empty

You begged me not to do it
I mean do him
In the same breath you told me about her
And how you could never date her
The one you now call the angel in your bed
And now I’m alone
But at least I’m not lonely
At least I have someone to keep me
Warm
Or I guess hot
I guess there is a difference
I guess I don’t want to know

Attempt 3

We were both born by the ocean
In the same week
Within miles of each other
Both a water sign
But neither of us could predict
The flood

My tears
Leave everything mildew stained
And I don’t know if you’ve ever cried
Over me
Or just tried to drown yourself
In liquor

I couldn’t make you love me
Again
And you couldn’t show up
The night before I left
I can’t stop the dam from breaking
Myself from spilling out
Now I’m in the land of 10,000 lakes
And you’re back with the great salt one
I’m thinking of throwing that ring into the Mississippi River
Let it sink like I am
Let it wash away
What’s left of me

-Ry Irene