you can wear this
(or ‘death metal is a god you can wear when you gotta disappear’,
after “Fuck this Life” by Young and in the Way)

(a houston band yells ‘giveup’ into 40 teenage facesgiveup.
a houston kid gets a neck tattoo and regrets it halfway throughgiveup.
a houston dad fires a round up into the July 4th fireworks and slurs
‘it’s ok probably keeps going up’giveup.
i vomit on my catholic school shirt and wanna diegiveup. there is no god

big enough.

you can wear this instead:

((here, you can wear this new god:
i write ‘god’ and then the bullet slows and hangs in the Houston air like a Xanax angel kinda reaching up to heaven but also kinda turning back and looking down at our soft heads as if I called its name, as if i wrote ‘my friend Mikey.’

(((and you can wear:
these haiku:

‘giveup’ isn’t god’s real first name but hell it’s a lot closer than ‘god’
&
easier than lighting off these firecrackers in the kitchen sink
&
yelling ‘giveup’ eight and a half times

((((you can wear:
‘give’ & ‘up’ like earrings.
you can die slow in your sunday best.

(((((you can: hurl
either a
bullet or a
butterfly knife or a
pill or a
wine cooler or
vomit
straight into
the air
above you.
it’s up
to you–
these are all
correct
ways to say
‘god’

((((((or, ‘you can wear this:’

its ok– you can shoot sleeves into this dark night and keep goin’ up.
you can wear all black and go away for good.
you can giveup yeah be a ghost with us.

you can set your clothes on fire
and then wear them.

you can listen to death metal music.

– Bill Moran