Scenarios, After US Anti-trans legislature
Scenario: Trans person enters a room that is labelled “bathroom,”
and the inside is full of wood-working equipment.
Even though no one looks each other in the eye
everyone feels the need
to get rid of something unwanted here,
and so they sand the stranger down
until it disappears, say
it was named a Bi(r)tch, say
it was lying on the ground
the whole time
swimming, in a pool,
Scenario: Trans person uses the public restroom
because there’s a lock on the door and
still feels unsafe,
wonders if this is what “trans panic” was supposed to mean,
wonders how long trans people been panicked,
stays in the bathroom for 20 years
hoping another riot will be re-written pride parade
and this time their identities can be monetized too.
Scenario: Trans person doesn’t eat or drink anything
and still feels unsafe around bathrooms,
like there was always a snake in the toilet,
how you practive being defenseless more
than moving your hands into fists.
Wonders which would be worse:
getting out of a bathroom alive covered in shit and piss,
or dying again.
Wonders the likelihood of their name being used in their own obituary.
Scenario: Trans person pretends to not exist, so does everyone else.
Scenario: I enter a bathroom in public and
no one says anything to me,
just at the idea they have of me.
Someone asks if I’m in the wrong room and
the idea they have of me responds
“is this not where you let go of something unwanted?”
I enter the bathroom in public an hour after the man outside says
he wants me to consume him whole, then follows me
into the club, and I squat
with one foot against the stall door
hoping it stays shut long enough for me to feel safe.
Scenario: I enter the bathroom
and it’s no longer filled with dead bodies.
How the only thing that smells is identifiable
and never stood a chance at life.
Everyone washes their hands clean after
and they aren’t washing off blood this time.
I enter the bathroom
and it’s not already shaped like a box
I could be buried in.
I don’t have to think about the quickest way to leave
and still be able to live.
Scenario: I pretend to exist in public,
and the only one who believes me
are the laws saying that I do not.
– Alain Ginsberg